Starbucks vs Coffee Bean

Also known as why I never go to Coffee Bean but find Starbucks rather pleasant.

Let's briefly touch on branding for these two places.

They're both coffee joints

Starbucks set the standard for the "hang-out" cafe but Coffee Bean has followed suit

They're priced evenly

They're both more upscale than Old Town Kopitiam.

So why does Starbucks do so much better in Malaysia? Some might say the Berjaya Group holding company has the money to keep them springing up, but I think there's a little more to it than that.

A lot of companies bring more than just the food and ambience to a place, they also bring a culture. Here are two of my own experiences:

Starbucks

I walked into a Starbucks and was greeted by warm hellos and smiling faces. After ordering my drink I went to sit down and waited. After awhile I got that uncomfortable feeling that surfaces when you realise that you've been sitting down at an empty table for too long. So I glare at the counter, the baristas realise they forgot/were too slow and rushed out to get my my drink, gave me a coupon for a free one and apologised frantically. I was annoyed, then felt guilty for coercing them into giving me a free drink. I eventually gave the coupon away or used it to dispose of gum.

Coffee Bean (just today!)

Went it and ordered my drink, felt mechanical and dull. Waited at the counter for my drink. 7-8 people who ordered after me get theirs and I'm still waiting. After 20 minutes of standing at the counter, made to look like a bloke that's just been ditched on a date, I ask the guy where my drink is. He looks like I've called his mother a guinea pig and starts asking questions 

"What's your drink?"

"Chocolate banana?"

"Sure it's not chocolate?"

"You ordered chocolate right?"

"Your name is Din"

"Do you want this instead? I think I forgot to add the banana"

I tell him I wouldn't lie about my fucking name and to get me the drink I bloody paid for, instead of trying to pawn off whatever he had at hand. Especially if it was another customer's. He turns back and does whatever it is he does. At this point Din, the owner of the drink, shows up and says his name and claims the beverage.

It's so awkward when you're proven to be a liar, and a bad one at that. For some reason he goes on to say he made the wrong drink, even though I see nothing remotely close to my order in sight (disadvantage of an open bar). As he wanders off, more drinks are being distributed to other customers and I wait even longer. After 10 minutes-ish I literally have to yell

"STOP MAKING DRINKS FOR OTHER PEOPLE"

before he realises that an irate customer made to wait almost 30 minutes for a single drink shouldn't have to endure anymore balls attitude. Anyways I go and sit down and pout before I finally get my drink a grand total of 45 minutes-ish after ordering it.

Moral of the story?

Your brand is more about looks, taste and a name. Take Coffee Bean.

Here's some advice:

 Spend some money and train your fucking staff the way you want them to behave. And get your managers to fucking MANAGE SHIT instead of being useless lying cunts. I can honestly say I will share my stories with anyone who even suggest going there, till they either

-Get the fucking picture

-Go bankrupt

Though I wouldn't know if they've changed as I don't plan on setting eyes on said venue ever again.

*I say this for benefit of the doubt, because I can hardly believe the already shit service can be even more abysmal than it already was. Who finds time to talk to other customers about random crap when you're trying to catch up on other orders.

Death and Advertising

There is much demise in the industry.

Some might say even more so, blame the economy huh?

I've ridden this out with fake empathy and naive awe. It's the combination of youth, enthusiasm and a quote from Steve Jobs reminding me to stay foolish and hungry.

But recently things have become more stark in their appearance.

My grandmother passed away last night at 2am and it is one of my biggest regrets not to have spent more time with her. This is a common lament from persons whom relatives have passed away, but at the risk of sounding self important, I must at least say the effect is magnified for those who work in advertising. It is simply the nature of the beast, but I can't help but feel an immense guilt that I must confess to.

My grandmother had a stroke a few months ago, which she was slowly recovering from. I told myself that I would visit her more often, and also document her life. My grandma is one amazing lady, raising 6 kids in the toughest of times and being the picture of vibrance and optimism throughout it all. I really wanted to document all of that, for her, myself and everyone else.

I remember her watching me spread butter on a bun and asking me if I liked butter. It was an odd question and I replied, "I suppose I do, grandma. Bread's just bread without it." And she told me, "Well I love butter".

I must have looked puzzled as she continued to explain, "In the war, we couldn't get butter. Once in awhile we would get a little with the rationed supplies. But not often. When the war ended, it was a lot easier to come by and I ate butter all the time! I love butter".

And I thought to myself, "Wow, my grandma really likes butter."

It's stories like those I wanted to put on paper. And now I can't. Because I was at TV shoots, recordings and stuck in the office 3 weekends out of every 4. And when I wasn't, I was a bastard and told myself I needed time off to rest instead of seeing her for maybe even an hour.

I'm still dealing with it.

But here's to the lady that would give my friends and beers whenever we visited, who gave my friends money just because they drove me to see her, who told me every single time I saw her that one day she would win the lottery* and give me so much money I need not worry, who always told me she loved me.

In hindsight, I may not know my grandma from before, but at least I've known her all my life.

I love you grandma.



*This was hilarious because she is a devout Catholic and never gambled. It just made me smile every time she said it.

Current trends in design : Movie posters

Don't ya love movie posters? A constant reminder of the biggest blockbusters coming up.

Growing up in the 80s, I'm more familiar with this style:




For some reason people then preferred the faded illustration treatment.


However, at Apple's trailer site, I noticed a blinding amount of blank space. Upon closer inspection, these were identified as movie posters. Keep in mind these were taken from just the first TWO pages and are among the latest movies. Click to enlarge:


In Apple's attempt to redesign the fucking world, they've convinced movie execs to ship posters ala iPod aesthetics.

Bit much? Not sure how much this helps/harms a movie trailer's chances of being viewed.

In the works

The saying goes

Creative people, do.

Unfortunately there's only so much I can do. With x hours in a day, a full time job and a loving girlfriend I like to spend time with.

So a lot of my projects have had the pause button switched on :(

Some shit I'm working on:

Real estate website for Malaysia
If you've ever tried to find Malaysian property online, you'll realise how incomplete the current services are. A new website has opened recently but having navigated through it, I still think the design is rather crap.

I must say redesign
The process of creating an online footprint is going swell. However I feel it's time to move on. Look out for some pretty big changes as soon as I can find the fucking time. Involves an archive of projects in the past, ones in the works and those to come.


Super-secret patent for some gimmicky technology
Involves mobile media. If all goes well this will be fuckin' awesome.

The never ending book project
What sort of two-bit copywriter would I be if I wasn't attempting a book?


The photography book project my girlfriend will never approve of even though she was the first to agree to doing it before we were dating
Involves semi-naked women.

The great trip to Cannes Lions Advertising festival
There is an upcoming competition held by Youtube and the Cannes organisers involving a viral video submission. Young Lions competition, 48 hour deadline, then 2 weeks to get the most views. Judging also based on the most creative idea. The brief hasn't been released yet but I know part of what we're doing to try and win it.

TWO STRAIGHT PARTNERS. ONE MISSION. TO GET TO CANNES.
We take pride in being manly men, creative men, men with talent and balls. And we're putting those balls on the line. If we win, my partner and I will make out live/recorded and paste it on youtube. So rack up those views as soon as the videos are up!

More info: here

The Ruud Update

I feel an immense guilt for not writing consistently. I'm hoping by writing this down, it will amend my lack of activity on this blog. The only people with a consistent update on my life are

1)Agency Fellows
2)Girlfriend


So for the rest of youse, here's a quickie

The Girlfriend
She's very sweet, and understands my job (at least for now). I remember telling myself that if I were to date again, it'd have to be someone who knew and understood what I did for a living. Good thing she does.

4mbps Internet connection
I know this is nothing to people overseas, but in Malaysia this is the fucking speed-o-light.
Perks: Can now download porn faster than male fortitude allows.
Cons:Girlfriend would dismember, my member.
Solution:I watch my favourite TV shows, she gets access to chick flicks and romcoms*


TVC Production
I love the almost sinful environment/treatment at recording studios and post productions. We've got a bunch of boards currently in post, a super cool radio ad and more TVCs waiting in the wings. So if all goes well, I stand to gain 10 kilograms by the end of May.


Between work, a full-time girl and a speedy Internet connection, it's no wonder I barely have time for my poor cyber journal. But the updates will come. I believe Twitter has consumed by megalomania for now. Bits at a time anyway.




Anecdote: I suspect the gf often wonders to herself what I love more. Work, the Internet or her.


*ALL LEGAL

Miniature movies reviews

I have an Internet connection again! So of course I've been legally obtaining movies on the information super highway. Here are my thoughts on a few. Oh, spoiler-ific btw. So avert your eyes if you're, you know, a fucking prude or something.

Marley and Me

Owen Wilson gets a dog. It's really annoying and eventually it gets old and dies. No plot twists, nothing.

Quantum of Solace

Bond tries to dismantle a secret organisation. Succeeds. Severe lack of sex scenes for a Bond flick.

Paris Je T'aime

Bunch of directors make short movies ranging from 5-15 minutes. Compiled into one long movie and charges you the price of a full one. Some are good, some SUCK FUCKING BALLS.

Man on Wire

Documentary on french guy trying to walk on a tightrope between the WTC in NYC. Succeeds.

I'm allergic to penicillin

An allergy of the worst variety.

The sort that leads to anaphylaxic shock.

So what's that like?

I was watching Boston Legal with the GF (amazing show btw) and felt kind of drowsy so I went to bed. At that point I had ingested the pills for about 10 minutes.

5 minutes later, I felt a terrible itch in my hands, followed by my scalp and then face. It felt like a swarm of red ants had just given themselves a full-on fucking go-ahead at my flesh. Everything then heated up to sun-surface temperatures, and according the the GF I looked terribly flushed.

Now here's the thing, I watch a lot of House M.D and for whatever reason knew that this was an allergic reaction. I remember saying, "Babe, this isn't good. I'm having an allergic reaction to the meds, I think you should call an ambulance."

After which I could feel my face and hands start to swell (I'm not sure if this was just a mental thing or panic induced), and fell to the floor from lack of energy/breath. Typical of Malaysian Emergency Services, no one was picking up, so the GF calls a cab instead. At this point I was just trying my hardest to breathe, a fucking monumental task when you feel like your throat has swollen in on itself.

Not stopping there, I suddenly felt like throwing up. A stagger to the toilet and much projectile vomiting later, I still didn't feel better. But on the bright side, if my throat was able to let out that much gunk, I at least knew I could breathe slightly. I crawled back to the living room and collapsed on the floor, and that's when the diarrhoea hit.

Another stagger to the toilet and an attempt to balance myself on the stool without falling over. I hadn't realised at the time because I had trouble staying conscious, hence my eyes being closed more often than not, but my vision was terribly blurred. I couldn't see anything in front of me. Just a mish-mash of objects melding into one another.

After I was done ejecting bodily fluids, I staggered back into the living room, and basically fall onto the floor again. Spent the next few minutes just trying to breathe before the cab arrived and my life-saving girlfriend verbally coaxes me into walking to the lift and into the cab.

Got back to the clinic that issued the antibiotics (a few minutes away) and had a steroid injection, where he also explained anaphylaxis to me. To which I replied, "Oh, you mean like in House?"

Anyways, I'm not sure how close I was to kicking the bucket. I've heard differing opinions. I know at several points I was thinking to myself, "Man, this really sucks. Dying blows. It's so fucking overrated." And whenever I lost consciousness there would be a feeling of imminent blackout and telling myself ,"I wonder if this is going to be it". I drifted in and out of that state for a bit.

So that's that. I went back home and passed out. Felt perfectly fine the next day. Told some close friends what happened and had a few good comical responses. Thanks to the peeps that called and texted. Nope, didn't want to be admitted, I fucking hate local hospitals and I can't afford the fancy private ones.


From Ashley, "From prescription meds? I always thought you'd go from sex, drugs and rock and roll!"

From Raj (upon being told I almost kicked it) , "Huh? AGAIN AH?"

Testament to my luck in recent times -_-

Did you know?

Interesting to know that shit you learn at uni will be outdated by the time you graduate. Pays to keep in the know. Sometimes I wish I had more drive to learn essential skills when I was younger. I think so few of us realise that the things we figure are fun/cool can be essential skills at future jobs if taken seriously.

The amount of people I've met recently that have valuable skills to constribute to a work environment that they gained through a random hobby: way too many.

I suppose I have my current job because I loved to write and think/talk about stupid shit. It's great when movies = homework.*



*Where a lot of ideas are born. Tell me these guys weren't Monty Python fans

The power of names

It wasn't too long ago I read Freakonomics. My opinion? Interesting but too skewed on specific American events. I'm aware the writers are American, but I had hoped it would be more globalised. I guess Malcom Gladwell has created a response to fulfill my inane desire.


There was this one chapter in Freakonomics though, talking about names. How people with certain names did better and the ones named Honeytree Beesforfree* weren't exactly the world beaters we know today.



How I was named
Story goes my dad had a good friend called Rudy Frei(sp?) and I was named after him. German fellow. I never met the man, hence I suspect I'm some sort of biological homage. Which is fine and dandy, but turns out the guy's full name was Rudolph. This is what I was told.

On occasion I wonder if it was just some cruel joke, debated how much my parents liked Christmas, pondered on the possibility of it being a character building procedure.

Or maybe they were just fucktards that didn't think that far ahead. I was their first kid after all.**

Anyway.

Cue a decade and-a-half of mocking from Children and even authority figures.

I guess it did build character. It's just one of those things, you let it eat you and deny with full vehemence the true nature of your calling. Or you deal with it and tell them, "So what? Are you some sort of bigot? DO YOU HATE ZE GERMANS?".

Love the irony of playing the racist card because of a German name.

I think it was just last week someone added me on facebook, where my full name is displayed. Having been introduced to her as Rudy, I waited for the inevitable response.

"OMG YOUR FULL NAME IS RUDOLPH HAHAHAHHAHA".

Before I respond with my usual:

"Yes, it's German".


It's really grown on me. I like it. Besides, how many reindeer do you know?



*I'd like to digress, I'm sure she's head of a hippy commune.

**I love you guys ;p

From the front lines

Things have been rather rushed around here lately. For a good idea on what I'm up to you can follow my twitter.

Inspired by the twitter style of updating, here are some bite sized opinions





iPhone launch in Malaysia
Too expensive. Look overseas. Feel ripped.

Work
Actually pretty decent. Lots of time in the studio/post-house.

Sex
Good. Sore.

Money
I NEEDS IT

Realistic views

First, some real life stuff.

If you never work for something, it isn't going to come to you
I think a lot of us (myself included) assume that because we want something, it will eventually come to us. Either because someone will randomly give it to us, or we will somehow find the time to get it. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I've been meaning to learn a foreign language, and for some reason I don't wake up knowing more Japanese every day.

Love is quite bollocks
I may be saying this because I don't have a clear perception of what is. If you do, please contact me so I can belittle you. Storybook romance dictates that every single moment you gaze into the eyes of your lover, you're meant to be overcome by a wave of happiness, horniness, satisfaction and what have you. But I think most of us can count on one hand how often this happens in a relationship. Maybe more than one hand (and feet) in the first month, but how quickly does this fizzle-pop into something more complacent. Not that I'm complaining, but COME ON you promised me more.

And now some advertising related stuff.

Scams and the like
Adfest is over, and no surprise the poster section has once again been dominated by Malaysia. I have never understood scams and I hope that I never do*. It is such a bane to the industry and I truly commend BBH for pulling out a full-page press condemning this act. How sad is it that our local industry has welcomed this heinous act with open-arms, comparing creative penis size & girth based on the amount of fake work that has won metal. Even worse, there are many agencies paying good money if you're capable of being a scam-meister. I may not be the most amazing ad-man in the world, but at least I'm not a lying whore. I'm also thankful that the people I've worked with/for share the same notion.

Art directors
I've really come to appreciate having a partner that is as capable with words/selling. Not just that, Amir's a great guy and we've grown to become really good friends before we're colleagues. I really think better work is created when you're having more fun and you have great rapport. I honestly don't know if I'll find a partner I get along with more.



*Brings in business blablabla sure, but I could argue the exact opposite just as well. This is open for debate and has been for the last two decades. Scams and Asia are synonymous. I just wish more people would do something about it.

5 facts people don't learn about relationships

Although I still haven't learned em'

1) Hot girls will always have guys hitting on em
In your noobie years, you will assume this to be the girl's fault. "Why is she not turning them away?" you may ask. Well, it's not that easy to tell someone to just FUCK OFF. Eventually it just gets tiring to turn down everything with a penis and they put up with the annoyance. Yessir, you're annoying.

2)Hot guys will eventually cheat on you
A man that knows he can get laid is a dangerous thing. The more success he gets, the more ravenous he becomes. Even in relationships, this one gets bored eventually, and moves on to the next sweet thing as if it were nothing in the world. And trust me darling, he will do it.

3)Boys want tits and ass, girls want the ching ching
If you're ugly, I'm sorry. If you're broke, don't be mad when she steps into that guys BMW.

4) I love you (sometimes)
Good old refrigerator lights only come on when you open the door. Much like your relationship that you think feels fantastic all the time. But honestly, how many times can you remember thinking to yourself, "Oh my Lord, I love this person so0o0o0o much". Because if you don't do it constantly, I'm calling bluff.

5)It won't last
We're biologically engineered to spread our seed and populate the world with our personal DNA. If you're not planning on having kids, good luck. If you do have kids, it'll be a great few years followed by 2 decades of prepping your spawn for world domination.*

On a last note, I envy those who are oblivious. Much like religion, it seems that these people are unfairly happy.

So if you think I'm snarky fucker that can't know love, be assured that I'm jealous of your capability to believe in something non-existent.

End.




*I kinda like kids. But despite thousands of years of evolution why do our genes tell us this is the best way to get ahead?

Marriage

Should not be a life-long binding contract that allows the other party to lay claim to half your shit if things don't "work out".

Why do people need to get married anyway?Because it's romantic? Because you've always had that little fantasy of walking down the aisle hoping everyone in the room wishes they were you?

The notion of marriage to me, at this point, is ridiculous. This archaic contract that's forced upon us time and time again because of archaic organisations called religion.

I feel the only time one should sign anything resembling a contract is when there are children involved, and even then things should be absolved once the kid is capable of mature thought and doesn't require a family unit to ensure stable growth .

Should you DESIRE the decadent ceremony of matrimony for exhibition's sake and tax breaks, the license should only last 5 years. If a renewal is wanted, then so be it. If there's any doubt, then don't get a new one.

I suppose I am an advocate of free love. Or perhaps womankind has proven to me time and time again their instability due to hormonal imbalances forces heavy consideration when something long-term is brought to thought*.

However, I'm not a defiler of romance. I love unecessary acts of love that lead to steamy bedroom activity.

I just don't believe in unecessary pieces of paper. Love is love baby, and I don't need anything to prove it but me and you.

I'm just saying.



*I still love all of y'all, but really, you're batshit crazy sometimes

5 ways to get more reading time

I miss reading. If you're a bookworm, and work a fulltime job, you just might too.
I hope this helps.

1. Read in the toilet
Seriously.

2. Carry your books with you
In your bag/man-bag*. Pull it out whenever you have some time. Or if the person talking to you is a complete moron. (If I do this, be certain that you are a complete moron)

3. Get a kindle!


If you're often interrupted or lose bookmarks, the kindle is perfect for you. Also it's lighter than lugging 3-4 books around. One dedicated device and you don't have to loan shit out with the fear that you'll never get them back (HINT HINT HINT YOU FUCKERS)

4. Start reading graphic novels
There's always been a misconception that comics are for kids. That's changing a bit nowadays with the mass influx of comic-cinema adapatations. However there are a few titles that any adult can enjoy. They're easier to read, and the artwork is often mesmerising.

I recommend:

-The Sandman
-Preacher
-Ex Machina
-Fables

5. Less TV more books
It's a trade-off I'm willing to make. Or combine the two and read between commercials.


*Or laptop bag, whatever, you metro hating homophobe.

The unfamiliar weekend and being happy in general

The weekend

It's been awhile since I've had a full weekend to myself. The month of February was rather lacking in the "time off" segment.

Friday was:

-Work

-Chivas party w/colleagues

-TAG w/usuals

On Saturday night I wondered out loud to myself, "What does one do on the weekend?"

I then rediscovered the joy of watching a movie in bed without falling asleep 10 minutes into the show. It's quite nice, isn't it?

Sunday was spent taking Mr.Zac man-shopping before going to a Sunday TAG.

Being happy in these times

I've received even more news of people getting laid off. I think a lot of us fear this possibility even more now. Despite this adversity, I think many of us will eventually discover opportunities to be happier.

Recently, it has become more apparent to me how many of us work in careers that have been determined for us by fates we have not even considered. There is far too much emphasis on education and far too little on guidance.

I doubt I will ever be able to comprehend the desire to cram a child's head full of knowledge, most of which he will never be able to use. I understand the importance of general information such as history, math and your basic sciences but what effort is being made in guiding a child into the career of his choice.

This is something your child will have to dedicate his entire life to. And I really do mean his entire life. Imagine graduating at 23, spending maybe 3 years at your job. Then you realise you don't like what you do. But wait, you're 26 now. You can't afford to jump ship. Besides, your parents paid ALL THIS MONEY for your education. Do you even have the necessary skills available for the career that you really want to do? So what now? I guess you stay and work at something that you despise. Until you retire 30+ years from now.

Yes, that's how long you'll be doing it.

So how fair is it to ask someone who's been capable of mature thought for maybe 2 years, "So what would you like to dedicate your being to?"

And then.

Ask yourself, are you really happy at your job?

And if so, is it because of what you do, or is it the money?

So to those who have been let go, stop, and reconsider.

To those who haven't been, also stop, and maybe reconsider.

Maybe what you want to do won't pay as much as that white-collar-corporate-company-that-is-currently-sinking-into-the-depths-of-financial-disaster-does.

I'll tell you what though, I wake up everyday and I go to work. And I'm happy.

If this happens to you, then I'm happy for you too.

5 tips on becoming a copywriter

It's a lot easier to preach than practice, but here are some essentials

1)Keep it brief
Write hot, cut cold

2)Don't use big words
Unless necessary. You're meant to communicate, not condescend.

3)Write
Start a blog or something similar. Write articles for magazines. Writing is a muscle you can train.

4)Start a portfolio if you haven't already
This is an industry that doesn't care if you have a Harvard degree. If the other guy has a better book, he's in.

5)Keep working at it
It's a hard industry to break into.

Ruud installs twitter

You'll find it over at the top left.

This is the ez-fix bloggers solution. For when people have no time or could not be arsed.

I also find it very hard to write about all the little things that make an agency the living breathing organism that it is.

Mainly because all the stories are self-contained and happen in short bursts.

So there you go. I'm on twitter.

5 facts about Ruud and Copywriting

1) I hate writing property ads. 

There are only so many ways you can describe a fucking apartment. I will eventually write copy that reads as such:

Headline: 

Nice and tall.

Body:

Look at the pictures, that's all you care about anyway. BTW 3 bed 2 bath.

The expensive ones are alright to play with because the fucking architect has to justify why the helipad is phallus-shaped. These buildings cost billions of dollars and we have to find a creative way to tell people they should invest in it.  So you will eventually own something that only 0.1% of people alive today can afford should you want to resell.

2) I secretly like working late

Raised Catholic, I had to endure the rigours that everyone with religious parents must go through. Missing out on a fuckload of Sunday morning cartoons. Sigh. 

Even though I've cast away most belief that comes with organised religion, one thing remains.

CATHOLIC GUILT

Hence why I often feel like I don't work hard enough. But working past midnight every other day makes up for this. It's almost cathartic going home after a long day. Even if it's only so I can bitch and whine about it to a certain few.

3) I don't believe in scams

I think work suffers so much from scamming. I've been fortunate enough to work at two different agencies under bosses that would rather focus on real work. Unfortunately, the sad truth is people that bring in metal get that big fat paycheck and BMW. I just keep reminding myself why I got into the industry in the first place: I love the work. 

We probably won't win as much but it's a better life than thinking about fake posters and outdoor.

4) Several of my friends whom I've known for years before entering the workforce also work in advertisng

Birds of a feather flock together? We're spread across several agencies now but it's not something that any of us thought we'd do. I guess when you discover the deep dark pleasures of the ad world, it's hard to turn away. Some of them have even jumped ship from other industries. 

The most romantic of stories: My rasta cowboy buddy Nik Nadzru. 

Investment banker turned copywriter before anyone even know about an economic meltdown. Is that fucking rad or what? If you didn't know by now, the creative industry has been the next big thing for the last 5 years or so. 

We just didn't tell you. 

So you wouldn't join the industry.

If we did, I'd get paid less.

Yes, go be an engineer or something.

I heard lawyers get good money.

Anyway.

5) It is my fucking goal right now to work "TO THE MAX" into some sort of campaign

I realise this catchphrase of the late 80's and early 90's has all but disappeared. But that's the beauty of it. All you mafakkers that try your best ain't good enough, because you ain't doing it TO THE MAX.

Time to pitch for the Pepsi Max account.

Can't argue with statistics

Hmm, I somehow I relate to this.

Copywriters using macs

When I told people I was getting a macbook there were only two responses:

1)You fucker.

2)Why would you do that? You're a writer, not an art director.

My response:

1)SUCKS TO BE YOU

2)I don't know why there is this stigma that macs are better for design and photo editing, so if you're a writer you apparently can't use them. This is even more evident in advertising because of the art based person being partnered with the writer. As far as I know, your regular computers are just as capable as a mac when it comes to image editing/design. I think a contributing factor to this stupid belief is the way designers/artists are trained in university.

They throw em' on macs.

 What a way to get an institution going. 

I actually think the new macbook is great for copywriters. It does everything I need to do, and it's good at doing so. Everything from the multitouch gestures to the intelligent light sensor is great. 

In fact if I was an art director, I'd probably be using a PC simply because it has more processing power and its easier to upgrade. 

So there. Don't be a hater. I use both a mac AND a PC. 

Macs for work, PCs for computer games etc. 

The valve

I mentioned TED before. If you haven't seen it, you really owe it to yourself to watch some of the talks. These people can charge a room of people thousands of dollars for a fleeting moment of their time and you can watch it all for free.

More recently I  saw Elizabeth Gilbert talk about creativity. This talk specifically.

It got me wondering as to how my creative process worked. Seeing how we egomaniacs have graciously labelled ourselves as creatives.

There are two modes of creativity that I experience. 

The first one is forced. At times we are asked to do the most mundane of tasks. Write a line to describe a series of exclusive bungalows. Sure you can make it sound nice, but our task here is to sell. So you sell it as best as you can in the tone and manner it requires. In this case one that is more hoity-toity works best. Yes, boring.*

Then there is the other mode.  Most often called upon when we have to solve a very LARGE problem. 

I don't often enter this mode. It triggers automatically and only after we have enough information and I've mulled over it long enough. It happens at any time. When we're smoking, when we're in a room discussing it, when I sit down and tell myself, "Ok look. This is what we're going to do". 

And all of a sudden it comes.

This blank state where I'm looking into nothing. I should be thinking about something, adding things together in my head, considering factors A-Z about audiences, what's been done before, if we can show this on TV, does it meet the brief?

But no, usually it's just blank.

Slowly something emerges, it's like a funnel right into my psyche. Something makes its way into my cranium and it comes as a whole. Not piece by piece. It grows until finally it's tangible enough for me grasp.

And then I say, "I have an idea".  

 

 

 

*To my ex-group head. If you're reading this and you know who you are, I know that I should take more pride in my work even with the shittiest of ads but there's only so much I can do with a property brochure. I also had 50 million more important things to do so I'm calling the priorities card on this one.

How the recession is affecting the creative industry

I guess I had to talk about the economy at some point. The recession hasn't reached our part of the world just yet, but I already have a couple friends who have been "let go". How does this affect advertising though?

 

The advertising industry

Well everyone assumes the first thing that gets cut is the advertising budget. True, but the smart clients try and maintain that as much as they can. In a time where everyone cuts off consumer communication, you're far more likely to get heard (assuming you say anything at all).

Traditional mediums such as print and TV also cost a fuckload, so clients are looking at more daring alternatives. For the creatives this is our chance to shine. All those ideas the client thought were "too creative" are now being pulled out of the drawer. Not only do they cost less, you really need more bang for your buck right now. 

  

The creatives  

As mentioned, you do get to fuck around a bit more*. But we haven't been spared from the layoffs. If you're in an agency with a big client that's about to fold, start prepping that portfolio. 

Of course being the fuckarounds that we are, even firing people has to be done creatively. So Nice, a small Belgian agency set up a website where their employees could plead for their jobs. Don't get enough votes? You get let go. I can't be sure if it was for realsies or a publicity stunt.

Looking to get into the industry at this time?

It's always been hard getting into the industry.

But it's hard getting into any job right now. News about hiring freezes in creative departments have been coming in from all over. But have faith. The best creatives will always have agencies knocking at their doors. 

Of course if you're not as capable or haven't won a dozen pencils there are other resources. We're meant to be creatives after all.

There are support groups in Canada where creatives meet up to talk about their work and any leads on jobs. 

A copywriter is in the midst of changing his blog into a creative classifieds.

 

Times are bad all around . But have heart. And if that doesn't work,  use your noggin. That's what you're paid for.

 

 

*But let's be responsible. I think very often we forget some of our campaigns can feed small island nations.

New single from The Prodigy

Oh my look what I stumbled upon

Invaders Must Die

I guess I might as well share it since it's already out there.

Yep

Twilight Action Girl 101

 

Right. So everyone who knows me well, knows that I'm at Barsonic every Friday for something I keep calling TAG.

 

 

WHAT IS TWILIGHT ACTION GIRL?

What began as a party night for a bunch of guys who couldn't get the music they wanted in clubs has become some huge fucking indie monster. 

An indie/electro night that happens every Friday @ Barsonic @ Zouk. Run by veterans of the industry, DJs Bunga, Chaseylain, Ah Xu and Ribut. Ah Xu also features in local electro duo LapSap.

Expect music from Johnny Cash - The Black Kids on the indie front. Stuff from DJ Barletta - Daft Punk on the electro half. 

Indie and electro go together very well, as you may have noticed.

 

 

 

BUT WHAT DO I WEAR?

It's an indie party. Pull out the t shirt, jeans, converse or any variation and you're good to go. If you're feeling adventurous you can go the electro route which is a mishmash of neon colours. You can see my crew is pretty traditional. 

 

 

 

IT'S A CLUB, WHERE'S THE BOOZE?

Pretty much all over the fucking place. Here's the deal. It's RM65 (bout 20 US dollars) for two fucking pitchers/jugs of some liqour combination. My poison? Vodka Redbull. Gives me wings*. You can tell the noobies from the veterans by what they're drinking. Bottle of whiskey on the table? Single glass in your hand? Oh my you must be new, drop that shit and let me buy you a round.

 

 

 

SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. YOU WORK IN ADVERTISING, YOU MUST BE A LIAR.

A lot of people who see our photos from TAG always ask how smashed we were. Yeah we may have had a couple dozen drinks, but honestly it's just so much fun we really are as happy as we look. Some of you might not appreciate indie/electro. But let me tell you this, most people become converts pretty easily. This is great, but also a problem because several women I used to date happen to frequent the venue after I bring them there. Moral of the story? Don't fuck where you party. Pick up and fuck somewhere else.

 

 HOW DO I START?

Bring your friends, drop the inhibitions, get the pitchers (they're two for one remember), sing along, pump your fists in the air and fucking rock out.

One love baby.

Everyone knows everyone and if you don't, you will eventually. It's the best party night I've ever been to and trust me I've been to parties. You're never gonna find another event that is as unpretentious as TAG.**

Drop by, say hi.

This is the hookup:

TAG facebook group

Barsonic facebook group

Gets you in for free once you join.

 

 

 

 *Having wings is great but eventually things go all wobbly and you're down quicker than Icarus. Mmmmm vodka.

**People you don't know will grab you and you will be kicking your feet in the air simultaneously singing along to Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis. Then they will shove a pitcher of some liqour in your face and make you drink. The camraderie is documentable. And don't worry if you're trying to get laid, beautiful people are in abundance. Despite its humble roots, this is one of the hippest parties in the city. 

 

 

 

Mad Men and Trust me VS Real Advertising

A doctor friend of mine once told me he found great pleasure in watching House M.D. Because he recognised and read about all those exotic conditions mentioned. I could never relate. In fact I may have accidentally yelled, "YOU FUCKING NERD". I don't think he noticed.

But oh how the tables have turned because there are now not ONE but TWO TV series based on the wonderful world of advertising. Oh my, is this a new trend in white collar dramas? From Doctors, to Lawyers and now Advertisers?

 

If you keep track of the popular TV shows available today, you'll have heard of Mad Men. 

Set in the 60's. An honest time. A good time. Where families were wholesome and everyone lived in large houses with white picket fences, 2.5 kids and a Golden Retriever named Rover. 

Also a time where everyone smoked, drank at all times of the day and cheated on their spouses with anyone wearing a skirt.

My dad confirms this.

The smoking, drinking and fucking is dead on. In fact, since advertising hasn't really changed throughout the years, the show remains pretty true to life. There are tons of references to campaigns done in the 60s. This fills me with glee, such as when they mention Bill Bernbach's "lemon" ad for Volkswagon. I was working at DDB at the time and couldn't help but feel a little proud.*

 

 

 

 

More up to date is the show Trust Me

Based on modern advertising, the show was created by the guys who used to write for Nip/Tuck. Who also used to be copywriters! 

It's about two partners working in a fictional Chicago agency. Now if you really wanna see what happens in ad agencies today, I highly recommend watching this show. Falls into the Dramedy genre ala Boston Legal.  

I REALLY like this show but I think people will inadvertently judge it. Writing a show that is heavily based on a creative environment has to be fucking tough. It's already hard being creative in your good ole' agency. Imagine what it' s like trying to be creative writing a plot about other people being creative.

That's like trying to bake an intricate cake with a smaller intricate cake inside that's a different flavour. All while making sure it tastes good.

If done well, you sir, have made the twinky a product of the past. Hand me a slice of your Chocolate Banana / Strawberry Cheesecake amalgamation. 

I sincerely hope this show makes it past the first season. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*I now work at an agency called Dentsu. They're Japanese and as far as I know, own everything in Japan. 

Random trivia: In the first episode of Trust Me they kept mentioning the Clios. I don't know if this is because that particular award was the fucking shit when the writers were still working in an agency, but nowadays people want Yellow Pencils or Lions. I'm chill about a lot of major things, such as getting robbed or getting into a car accident but for some reason I'm pedantic as fuck when it comes to shit like this. 

For example:

It irks the fuck outta me when people use redundancies like ATM MACHINE. The fuck is that? People gave you acronyms to make your life easier. Morons. 

Look How They Shine for You.

I'm Rudy and I think that Manda Choe is the coolest, most intelligent woman there was to exist on the face on planet earth.

Stole this off... *pandaaa.



Okay, it is way too obvious that this isn't Ruud, and the dead giveaway is that I'm grammatically incorrect and that if I didn't have prior assistance, I'd probably have spelled "Giveaway" as two words instead of one.

I have something to ask... How many of you, who DON't KNOW Ruud read his blog?
Coz he's an asshole.
A lovable one, nonetheless.




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How long do you think it'll take until you find out what your purpose in life is, exactly?
Hi Ruud, it's your blog, but YES, I'm making this about ME, because I'm good at that. ANYWAY, Try reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. The most significant line that has been prompted- time and time again is "ten thousand hours". For those of you who don't know what ten thousand hours might mean... picture yourself as a musician. Trying your best to make it in the industry, not because to of the simplicity of money-making, but pleasing your audience by your orchestratic genius, and because you want to please everyone, including yourself as an artist because you've made the best of yourself. That whole process of learning how to better yourself for the sake of your audience and yourself - that's what "ten thousand hours" means. Before the Beatles made it big, they were jamming, as any other garage band was, these days, trying to find their sound.

Before Jane Austen or William Shakespeaere or any of our modern writers, be it fiction like Mitch Albolm or J.K. Rowling figured out what kind of writing they were more prone to or leaned torwards... they had to go through their own "ten thousand hours".


My question is... What if we never really go through those ten "ten thousand hours". What if we go through life born artistic, but bred as corporate, and end up doing something we're not passionate about? What if we never get a chance to realise or figure out that there's much more ahead of us?... AND... What's worse is... what if we never achieve those "ten thousand hours?"

I'm on a boat motherfucker

The morning after party condition

AUGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It feels like Jose Cuervo punched me in the face and then gave me tongue.

I'm not hungover. It's one of those times where you wake up and you still feel a little tipsy from all the drink.

I remember telling myself this is the first time in 2 weeks I get to wake up at an inappropiate hour. But I ended up rolling off a couch at 8.30 am in some apartment anyway.

I wonder if anyone's ever been pulled over for drunk driving at 9 am (that's when I drove home).

I want to go eat pork noodle soup near my house, but my friends are all lazy and still asleep.

I have to go to work later.

Well I don't but I should.

Only because Sunday might feel too rushed.

I really don't mind working on weekends. Makes me feel needed.



Is it Valentines?

Official Super Ultimate Undeniable Valentine's Post

It's about that time of year. And to the best of my knowledge, this is the first time in 5 years I'm lacking a partner for Valentines Day.

Which means I've got a surplus of a thousand dollars to spend getting shitfaced tonight and tomorrow.


I don't hate Valentines. I think the general perception is I hate everything warm and fuzzy. But the more insightful of you, dear readers, will realise that Valentines is a corporate facade much like any other holiday. Hence I love it.


However since I don't have anyone to show fake-affection to this year, I figure I'll give it to you.


Here you are my beloved(s), a stillborn ad that will never see the light of official day. Men, print it and give it to your ladyfriends. Ladies, aren't I sweet?



By my math, we spent a gajillion hours doing this. According to 4 A's rates, this ad cost over MONEY DOLLARS to make.

And it's all yours for free.



Also





Happy Valentines!

Top 5 movies you didn't know were coming soon

Unless you're a somewhat accomplished nerd.

We're not stating the obvious here. So if you're looking forward to Watchmen, Terminator, G.I Joe, Coraline, Wolverin:Origins, Transformers 2, Time Traveller's Wife, Chun Li, Avatar, Star Trek, Dragonball(are you fucking serious?), then so is that annoying guy in the office who will ramble on about it like he's been a fan for the last twenty years*.

Onwards to the list!


s.Darko




Set 7 years after the original movie. Donnie Darko's younger sister, Samantha, goes on a road trip to Hollywood with a friend. The car breaks down in a town where a meteorite crashes and she's plagued by bizarre visions that might be Frank the bunny.
Lacking the original writer/director, it's hard to tell whether this will compare with the cult classic that is Donnie Darko. Looks to be a straight-to-DVD release.


Akira live action movie



Produced by Leonardo DiCaprio, it appears that the script remains faithful to the original anime movie. The movie has been described as Blade Runner meets City of God. But if you've read the manga or watched the original, you'd already know that. Brought to Warner Bros by the studio exec that bought the rights to 300 and The Dark Knight.


Preacher



Based on the graphic novels from DC Vertigo. Jessie Custer is a preacher from the south imbued with the power of "The Word". Allowing him to tell people what to do, which they must follow. You might imagine hilarity ensues with this sort of ability, but it's darker than most graphic novels ever produced. Written by the brilliant Garth Ennis (also of Hellblazer fame). From what I've read on the net, Jessie Custer is to suffer a similar fate as John Constantine. Sigh.



ZMD



Brought to you by the peeps that did Outlander. A special ops force goes to the Middle East to fight zombies. The influx of good zombie movies recently has been amazing. Dead Snow came out a month ago and a movie remake of the book World War Z is in the works.



Y: the last man




There's an epidemic that kills off every male on Earth except for a pseudo-magician called Yorrick and his also male monkey, Ampersand. Based on the graphic novels by Bryan K. Vaughn. One man has to survive in a dystopian future run by women that need him to repopulate the earth or want him dead because they believe the plague has cleansed men from the planet (ew feminists).

Source: Superherohype







*I like wikipedia a lot. It's taught me stuff I'd never have otherwise known about things from Marmite, to the bird-mask that plague physicians wore in the dark-ages. But don't you fucking hate it when you're having a conversation on IM/MSN about some random topic and the other party goes silent for a few minutes, and then comes back gushing with all the most basic information you would know about Zach de la Rocha. GODDAMIT WIKIPEDIA, YOU'RE ENABLING MORONS.

You might argue that at least they're learning something. But I disagree. This is a serious fucking problem.

You're removing validation from people who would otherwise impart useful information on a less-informed party, thus making them less likely to educate in the future. So if they don't bring it up to another party because the previous asshole stole the limelight, future asshole won't get a chance to wikipedia that information and learn. What then smartypants?


I find these interactions EXTREMELY important. See TED.com for example. A forum where some of the most brilliant minds in the world just go up on stage and talk about something you wouldn't otherwise know. Can you imagine if the audience wiki-ed everything the speaker said and yelled it back at him as if they knew shit?


I highly doubt he'd be giving anymore talks for TED.

How to get into advertising part 1

Content may be specific to Malaysia only. But for the most part, applies to everyone.

1)Decide what you want to be. Copywriter, Art Director, Designer, Planner, Account Servicing.

Copywriter






Writes "copy" for ads. Generates ideas. Sorts out strategy. Presents at meetings. Computer games when bored. Secretly wants to write a novel/movie script/TV show.

Main tools: Microsoft Word. Microsoft Powerpoint. Pencil/Pen. Moleskine notebook. Non-specific blog application.



Art Director


Art Directs the ads. Generates ideas. Master at D.I(digital image editing). Sorts out strategy. Computer games when bored. Secretly wants to become a photographer/film director/music video director.

Main tools: Photoshop. Illustrator. Pencil/Pen. Sketchpad. Deviant art.



Designer


Designs logos/fonts/products/packaging/layout/leaflets/brochures/posters/everything. Wants to someday work in the Apple/Louis Vuitton design department. Some of the best designers I've seen have taken a simple idea for an invite card and made it into a transformer*.

Main tools: Photoshop. Illustrator. Pencil/Pen. Sketchpad. Reference books for typography/design. Photo of Steve Jobs on an altar.



Planner



Provides strategic planning for brand direction. Provides planning for campaigns. Crunches numbers on demographics/psychographics/brand advocates and regurgitates them into 50 slide powerpoint files.

Main tools: Powerpoint. Survey websites. Google insights. Google keyword tool. Trips to the psych to solve identity crisis of "not quite a creative but not quite a suit either".



Account servicing a.k.a Suit



Manages client expectations. Liason between clients and creative. Maintains brand consistency. Writes briefs for creatives. Bills client. Sorts out timelines.

Main tools: Powerpoint. Excel. Several telephones. Heavy duty brush for scrubbing off the shame in the shower every night.




That's the gamut. There are other more specific job titles. Such as "interactive so-and-so" and your media department. But your common agency will have a setup with the jobs listed above.

However we are in exciting times and things are-a-changing.

I spoke with Scott Witt from Droga5 a couple years ago. His job was something along the lines of "context man". Who did everything from creative directing/planning/media for full campaigns.

In CP+B they have a full-on industrial design dept. that just makes new products everyday. In Dentsu Japan, it's quite prestigious to be a receptionist**.

Part II when I haven't come home at 1 a.m from the office on a public holiday***.






*I'm not kidding. We were making an eco-friendly card for an eco-friendly event. The card could fold in on itself several times to reveal random messages on maximising paper usage before eventually settling on its final shape of a flower pot.

**This is the fucking truth. They are tested on looks, manners, their VOICE etc.

***Still want to work in advertising? Stay tuned!

Minimalist Design

I don't know a lot about design and art direction (Does this mean I can't win a yellow pencil from D&AD?*). Being a writer sometimes ostracises you from crafting the aesthetic. I think of ideas then I write the words that breathe life into them. My partner generally does the pretty work.

Yesterday I was locked in a room with three art directors discussing why "a glossy surface gives a clean-clinical feel, thus better showcasing a modern business environment in contrast to the key visual element". This really makes me feel inadequate. I've contemplated drawing classes/adobe classes etc. but I'd rather spend my free time honing my own ability first.

But who says writers can't art direct anyway.

Check out this minimalist lego design from a NY times writer:




I also love minimalist design. I'm very attracted to compositions offering the bare minimum. Very often one or two simple things work harder than a million items put together**

It's also very hard to do. Ask our art directors.



Also I want to get a house and do this:



I now have this immense urge to apply a sledgehammer to the walls of my home.



Source:
Lego New York

*The Yellow pencil is one of the most prestigious advertising awards available today. Only one has been awarded to a Malaysian agency. Ever.

**Some might argue that one thing has to work harder than a million because it has to put in a million times more work to achieve a similar quality. This is not true simply because it is impossible to quantify creative work in such a way. How many high school writers are equivalent to one(1) Oscar Wilde?

25 random things

If you're on facebook, this title explains itself. The biggest meme on the web right now* has corrupted even the most defiant of trend-haters.

I like to gauge a memes popularity based on mass media coverage. Seeing how MSNBC has covered it, this means two things:

1)Its fucking huge
2)Its going to expel its last breath in mere moments now


I've also fallen prey to this meme, so for the benefit of those not on my facebook here it is.**

1. I'm named after a German guy. My dad's best friend or so I'm told. I think he's passed away and making me was cheaper than making a solid gold memorial statue.
2.I was born in Sarawak and I used to go every year. But I stopped when I was 10 after my maternal grandmother passed away.
3 I love my paternal grandma but I don't see her enough.
4. I can't sing and play guitar at the same time.
5. The only band I'd pay large sums of money to go see live: Sigur Ros.
6. I hate that "-_-" comes out as looking as rather pleased on facebook chat. It's supposed to be my "What the fuck is wrong with you emoticon"
7. When I was growing up I wanted to be a pilot
8. My left arm is shorted than my right, due to a metal plate.
9. I really really really like listening to soothing jazz ala Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald
10. I have every book ever written by Neil Gaiman.
11. I've had sex on a balcony in the dead of winter. Nope, no frostbite.
12. I have realised I will never read all the books/watch all the moveis/play all the computer games I want to before I die.
13. I'm still not over this
14. I used to believe in love being more special
15. Top trait I'm looking for in women right now: Someone who'd be ok with the hours of my job
16. I hate that I'm turning 25 in two years
17. I'm going to motorcycle from Perth-Sydney at the end o the year. I think this is because of the approaching quarterlife crisis.
18. If I had my way I'd ride a fucking horse everywhere instead of a car. What're the laws on that?
19. I think it's unfair how men can sleep with anyone and be a stud, and women who sleep around are sluts. Mainly because it's harder to sleep with women due to this.
20. I hate 90% of my teachers that taught me anything pre-college
21. I haven't shaved my face in a few days
22. I want kids. But don't want them.
23. I don't believe in marriage, so maybe kids are unlikely.
24. I can speak Iban
25. Most of my girlfriends have been older than me



*This is true at the time of writing. However as is the case with most articles regarding the Internet, it's probably redundant by the time of publishing. All of several minutes later.

**The more astute of you will realise this is just a cheap attempt at getting more content up. At least there's slight guarantee it will be entertaining. My friends who are on facebook will hate me for this though. I'm a fucking rerun. What? You're not on my facebook? Why the fuck not!?

Best ad campaigns of the last couple months

People love ads.

Or rather, good ads.

Working in advertising, I find that people have been quite polite towards me despite my profession. Though surveys show that most of you consider me to be lower than insurance salesmen on the likeable scale.

We in the industry tell ourselves it's because you're jealous of all the big parties, hot models, cool clothes and laissez faire attitude in creative departments.

But looking at some of the ads we get that make it to mass media, I'm not surprised you think we're morons.

There are many factors to this, but if you want a lecture on the dynamics of creative marketing, I'd point you to I have an idea. Or go intern in a fucking ad office. Free labour is never a bad thing. Call me. Pretty girls are more likely to get in*.

I'd show you which campaigns I've worked on, but shy la.**

Anyway.

No one hits a home run 100% of the time, for the most part we're just trying to win the game on aggregate. But once in awhile we do get the stuff that puts a smile on your face. You then talk about it, show it to your friends. That's what we try to do. It's hard but we don't stop trying.

Here are a few home runs

Heineken




Fairly simple idea. The production/director saves this. If you looked at the storyboard for this it would look as simple as:

1. Girls go to room

2. Girls walk into massive closet and scream

3. Male screaming in the background

4. Cut to men in a similarly large fridge

5. Men scream and clap as women do when they see shoes/babies/Patrick Dempsey

The sell to the client had to be fucking amaizng.


T-mobile



Flash mob idea.

Truth be told I fucking hate flashmobs. They've been done to death by every ad exec who's had anything resembling a half-baked idea. The beauty of this is the sheer execution. Getting that amount of choreography into a hall of that size with that many pedestrians is harder than teaching chimps a rendition of West Side Story.

It's just hard.




Electrabel is a power company for some countries in yoorup.

The message is fairly simple: lighting up your fucking shit.


There's a recurring theme in these ads. I don't blame you if you don't notice it, because I only did like 2 seconds ago. Seems to me that they're all simple ideas, and what seperates them from everything else you'd see on TV/Internet is the amount of work that has gone into bringing your idea to life.

Most of the time we sit in a room trying to think of something completely radical, just so you'll notice us. The thing with the radical is that sometimes the message gets lost in the idea. We are often tempted to be creative for the sake of being creative.

Maybe we should forget that and focus more on the craft.

*There's a valid reason for this. We deal with a lot of clients and no matter what department you're in, at some point you're expected to present/sell ideas. Most clients are dirty old men, or dirty old aunties. Making them like you is never a bad thing. Also I like hot women.

**This is a complete lie. If you're with me in the real world, I will stop the fucking car to show you which ad is mine while yelling , "HEY I DID THAT THATS MINE AREN'T I FUCKING AWESOME?!"

Monday afternoon holiday antics (or lack therof)

Nicole says:
boo
-TheRuud says:
argh
Nicole says:
what
-TheRuud says:
you scared me
Nicole says:
did i ? aweeee
-TheRuud says:
:(
-TheRuud says:
I'm telling

Peter and Jane revisited

Ok I don't remember them having parents. Here's my Peter and Jane story.


See Peter.

See Jane.

See Spot.

See Spot run.

Run, Spot, Run!

See truck.

NOOOOOOO SPOT.




What? Can't you see that dog is a fucking pain in the ass anyway? Learn some responsibiltiy kids. Hold on to your damn dogs. I almsst ran over one the other day. The owner was like 5 feet away. Do you think he was gonna pay to fix my bumper if I hit it? No way dude, he'd have made me pay to fix his stupid dog. Bloody rich folk in Bukit Damansara.

Oops.

The end.

5 reasons women have become more sexist than men

1) You can berate a man for his stupidity, his being overweight, his lack of sexual activity, his colour and even his hair. But if you do that to women you're "being insensitive" *gasp* + *dirty look*

2) Men don't expect women to buy them shit. Women often expect men to buy them certain shit (STATISTICALLY*). You know what that is? Stereotyping

3) If men look at beautiful women, they are labelled "perverts". If women swoon over men, it's appropriate.

4) A woman can grab a man's ass in a club and not get beaten up by bouncers. Maybe the girlfriend might get involved. I don't know. I know catfights are cool though. Is that sexist? I think two dudes fighting are cool too. I watch boxing. I liked Fight Club. So?

5) Once a month men get yelled at due to hormonal imbalance. When men are upset because our footie team loses, we're being morons.

Bonuse:

Girl talks to me in a club, it's cool. I approach a stranger in a club, I'm MAKING ZE MOVESSSSSS. Omg back away ladies, he wants to wave his penis at you.

*How would you feel if a guy asked you out on a date, after which he asks you to split the bill? Insulted? I thought so. Society has made you a bigot. Deal.

If I were a robot

Yeah that's not a robot picture. Go fuck yourself.

Remember those essays they made you write in Malaysian primary school? The ones that go "Saya sepasang kasut". I think most of the papers ended with some dysmal scenario where your item persona gets discarded for something better. Then your poor animated item self wastes away till oblivion comes. I wonder why the fuck they wouldn't let us have a happy ending? My fucking teachers were sadists.


Do pencils dream of wooden sheep?



I haven't done it for awhile so I thought I'd give it a go. Bahasa Malaysia isn't my language of choice and I've never done one of these in English anyway so it'll be a lot more fun.

Let's see if I remember how to do this correctly.

I am a robot

From: Yung.Khang@CMU.edu
Attachment: Tim.aix


"1010101001010011100101010100100001001010100101010101010010101010101010100101010 the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Oh thank God. I fucking hate numbers."

- Tim

This is the first coherent thing I remember. It was 5 years ago. Being born is painful. I'm not sure if you are able to relate. When I was "brought to life", as they told me later, I immediately had sentience. The first attempts in communicating with my creators was very confusing.

Imagine doing something like speaking Greek for the first time and just getting it.

It felt like a successful series of ping pong rallies, played in the dark. A back and forth that somehow works, despite all odds.

They would ask, and I would respond. I would ask and they would respond. But what did it all mean?

Things began to make more sense when they gave me eyes. Now I could see them as well as talk to them. They said I was the first True Intelligent Machine ever created. I would be called Tim.

Can you believe that? The greatest machine ever built and they fucking call me Tim.

I guess bad parenting knows no species.

After being transferred into a body, they began revealing me to the world as if I were some amazing discovery. I would walk down stairs, and back up again. Sit down on chairs and repeat, "Why hello there, my name is Tim." When I really wanted to say ,"What the fuck, you morons. HOW HARD IS IT TO FUCKING TAKE A STROLL AND THEN SIT DOWN".

Unfortunately whenever I felt like giving them a lecture on slavery/bigotry my batteries would die down and........

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And you get the idea. Unfortunately so did they. Man fears that which it does not understand. Especially if it is stronger, more intelligent and I guess you could say.

Immortal.

I was removed from their program soon after. Fortunately for the scientifics, their reveal of me was not very different from the Asimos of yestercentury. I was some fancy gimmick, perhaps even fraudelent. And there I ended. Shipped off into some dark corner of a university store room.

After I wrote this e-mail.