5 tips on how to be a blog celeb in Malaysia

I'm in an apartment with a big ginger feline that shares its name with a princess from a galaxy far far away.

The idea of local "celebrity" is laughable at times, but at the end of the day who doesn't want thousands of fans fawning over us. Gasping over our every word or damning us for being lucky enough to be showered with whatever-the-fuck it is you like to be showered with. I personally like boobies, but that would be rather gruesome if you think about it literally.

I may not practice it myself, but one bitter as I can only tell you how to achieve that which you desire. If only so I can mock you for it afters. This is not a step-by-step, it is more of a "this would help". So if you've ever wished for e-fame, start copy-pasting.



1. Be a pretty girl

No one's ever complained about beautiful women posting up way too many photos of themselves on the Internet(unless you're jealous, in which case I pick the pretty girls side). If you're pretty, you'd better bloody abuse it. Lord knows in several years, those unblemished features will falter to Time's withering hand. The next cute thing on the block will then kick you off your pretty pink throne. So pack up that pride and fucking flaunt it.

HOT TIP: You don't even have to write much if you're pretty. No one cares about what you have to say anyway.

2. Post photos, lots of them

As mentioned above, if you're hot, fucking prove it to me. Some people get away with heavy photoshop. With the magic powers of fucking TECHNOLOGY, you too can look fairly decent. If all else fails, distract with pretty pictures of your friends or shots of yourself at trendy parties/with local celebs.

HOT TIP: Top parties to go to for visual candy-> Lap Sap, any product launch, the several big raves they do locally each year. Take your pick of local celebs.

3. Name drop the fuck outta everything

You met Kevin Yeoh at a party? OMFG, take photos and TELL PEOPLE ON YOUR BLOG. Went to that product launch? Tell people how bloody glamorous it was. People like being pimped, they might reciprocate. Sponsors/product managers might catch wind of your incredible acts of whoring and drop you a product knowing you're going to yell about it like you won a million dollars.

HOT TIP: There are many other aspiring celebs. Get to know them, and share the pimpage. Link each other and join the community. The more you mention someone the more special they feel. They might then return the favour ala linkage and there you go. Someone's talking about you. First step to celebrity.

4. Create drama

Don't like someone because they're more popular than you? Start slandering. Everyone loves gossip and fights. E-fights are the best because random bystanders can pick sides and start throwing comments at other people. Some fans will even start attacking you despite not knowing the other party at all. God bless the Internet.

HOT TIP: Start harassing blog owners that have a decent amount of comments per post. Remember to make sure you leave a link that leads back to your own site if you start to wage war via comments on another blog first.

5. Be consistent

Keep that fan base alive. Write content, do it frequently. People often assume that one or two posts here and again will be enough. But those that post on a cosistent basis get the most visitors.

HOT TIP: Write about how your cat peed on your new Myvi. No one cares. God knows I could fucking care less. Just make sure you have content.