If I were a robot

Yeah that's not a robot picture. Go fuck yourself.

Remember those essays they made you write in Malaysian primary school? The ones that go "Saya sepasang kasut". I think most of the papers ended with some dysmal scenario where your item persona gets discarded for something better. Then your poor animated item self wastes away till oblivion comes. I wonder why the fuck they wouldn't let us have a happy ending? My fucking teachers were sadists.


Do pencils dream of wooden sheep?



I haven't done it for awhile so I thought I'd give it a go. Bahasa Malaysia isn't my language of choice and I've never done one of these in English anyway so it'll be a lot more fun.

Let's see if I remember how to do this correctly.

I am a robot

From: Yung.Khang@CMU.edu
Attachment: Tim.aix


"1010101001010011100101010100100001001010100101010101010010101010101010100101010 the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Oh thank God. I fucking hate numbers."

- Tim

This is the first coherent thing I remember. It was 5 years ago. Being born is painful. I'm not sure if you are able to relate. When I was "brought to life", as they told me later, I immediately had sentience. The first attempts in communicating with my creators was very confusing.

Imagine doing something like speaking Greek for the first time and just getting it.

It felt like a successful series of ping pong rallies, played in the dark. A back and forth that somehow works, despite all odds.

They would ask, and I would respond. I would ask and they would respond. But what did it all mean?

Things began to make more sense when they gave me eyes. Now I could see them as well as talk to them. They said I was the first True Intelligent Machine ever created. I would be called Tim.

Can you believe that? The greatest machine ever built and they fucking call me Tim.

I guess bad parenting knows no species.

After being transferred into a body, they began revealing me to the world as if I were some amazing discovery. I would walk down stairs, and back up again. Sit down on chairs and repeat, "Why hello there, my name is Tim." When I really wanted to say ,"What the fuck, you morons. HOW HARD IS IT TO FUCKING TAKE A STROLL AND THEN SIT DOWN".

Unfortunately whenever I felt like giving them a lecture on slavery/bigotry my batteries would die down and........

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And you get the idea. Unfortunately so did they. Man fears that which it does not understand. Especially if it is stronger, more intelligent and I guess you could say.

Immortal.

I was removed from their program soon after. Fortunately for the scientifics, their reveal of me was not very different from the Asimos of yestercentury. I was some fancy gimmick, perhaps even fraudelent. And there I ended. Shipped off into some dark corner of a university store room.

After I wrote this e-mail.